Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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