I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
