I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
