Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize