I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.