remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left