my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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