i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
