So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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