my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
