I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
