I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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