maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
