i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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