wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize