sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
