i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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