apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
