Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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