Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
