East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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