Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
