Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
