can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
