i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
