true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
