i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
