it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
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shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
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I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.