I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..