you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
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And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"