I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
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He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.