How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin