just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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