Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
