honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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