does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
