Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
