Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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