Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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