Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We left an ass print on the piano.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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