Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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