I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
