This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
