He uses pillows to masturbate.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
