Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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