She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
