Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
