cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
