I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
