yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just cropdusted the office
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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