hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
