i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
