wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
