im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
