everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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