Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
