I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We have started to decorate penises.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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