Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
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its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
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I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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