Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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