Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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