Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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