two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Randomize
