She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
