DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm having to shit out rocks
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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