Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
that is very illegal...i love you.
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