I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
do herpes really smell.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
