And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My cat gives me a boner
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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