Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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