i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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