I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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