Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I supernannyed him into submission
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
