You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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