i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
