Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize