I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
